Paying Emotional Debt
Challenging yourself throughout life is inevitable. Often, that challenge hurts.
I took a quantum leap a few months ago, craving change and expansion, and learned to fly helicopters.
It was the most epic experience of my life.
Here’s the caveat… it didn’t go as planned. Not even close.
I understood what I needed to succeed. I knew how to get it done. But, for whatever reason, life had other plans.
After a few personal events took place that challenged the process, I started getting anxious before each of my flights. Quickly I learned that, as with many things in life, you can’t fly when you’re too in your head. I made a monumentally tough decision to pull myself from the licensing process and return to it later, with a clear head, a fresh perspective and more industry experience.
Through the chaos and colour of all life’s experiences, it’s the easiest thing to do to close emotions away in a box and just carry on. Tape an aspirin to it and keep moving forward. It’s the stoic approach, but all emotions must be felt eventually. There is a time and place for that emotional processing to happen, and an equally appropriate time to control and save them for later.
Chronically boxing up your emotions is neither constructive nor healthy.
It’s carrying a debt you owe yourself and your experience.
I made the discovery this week that I had done just that… allowed myself to move on without full acknowledgement of how much it hurt to take that leap and miss the target. The lid came off the box and the volcano erupted.
Life will always hand out situations that evoke the emotions we are refusing to feel. This is the importance of emotionally processing your experience as it happens; if you hurt, you learn your lesson and don’t need to repeat it. If you save that hurt for later, that lesson will continue to grab your attention throughout your life until you deal with it.
The point of life is the growth we go through along the way. It’s as inevitable as death. No life is without pain, expansion and growth.
As with a volcano and magmatic overpressure, the heart can only hold so much emotion. At some point, it has to spill over to relieve itself of that burden. Your job is to feel your way through the process and use it to direct your life in a constructive way.
It’s healthy to be present with emotion. We wouldn’t have this system if it wasn’t important.
When my emotions surrounding the last year came up for me again this week, I knew I had been carrying them around for a while. That load was heavy. It doesn’t matter if you have been hiding emotions from yourself for a month or a decade. Going back in time and facing emotion, like paying a debt, is vitally healing. Repay what you owe to your experience. By doing so, you honour it.
I jumped and I missed the landing after one hell of a freefall.
When you fall down on a snowboard, it hurts.
When you fall down on a mountain bike, it hurts.
When you take a leap of faith without a safety net and miss, it hurts. You get back up anyway. And keep going. No matter what.
Regardless of what happens in your life, you are responsible for the emotional side of your experience. So much of what happens in life is outside of our control. The one thing we can control is our inner terrain. Yes, it’s the hardest journey in the world. That’s what makes it brave. It’s not easy, but it’s yours to own.
You get to decide to be the person who doesn’t miss a jump, regardless of where you land.
I only missed the first shot. But it isn’t over until I say it is.
Same goes for your journey. It’s not over until you say it is, so don’t stop before the end.
That’s the power of a mind and heart on fire.
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If you’re interested in going deeper on how to take your power back through emotional resilience, check out the TRM© program. Thrive in adversity and master the art of being human.
