Invisible Threat

Photo by Theresa Furbank

The nervous system.

It can feel like your best friend friend or most aggressive adversary. A volatile animal you have no control over but one that dictates your every move.

The truth is, all humans would like to be in control. It’s awfully frightening to admit just how little control we all have, how little order there is in society and how nobody truly knows, we’re all just doing out best out there in the world. One thing it feels like we should be in complete control of is ourselves.

Every person is a beautiful culmination of every single experience they have lived; every memory, emotion, dream, goal and misstep they’ve ever had. You are no different. All of the things you have been through in your life make up the incredible person that is YOU.

Your nervous system has responded to every single one of your experiences too. Remember that scary time you had when you were a kid? Your nervous system stores that and learns from it. Not only that, your family’s memories from past generations helped to shape your nervous system as well, in theory setting you up for survival in a hostile world before you even arrived here.

Although the nervous system is supposed to be more friend than enemy, things won’t always work in your favour.

I am wired differently than you. Your wiring is different from that of your friends. We are all different based on our vastly unique lives and our reactions to what has happened to us. Our nervous systems are all wired in unique ways.

I always stress that it isn’t the severity of events that matters so much as the emotional impact those events have.

One person can get a paper cut and laugh it off, if they even notice it’s happened at all. Another person may look at that paper cut as the last straw in a string of personal failures and bad luck, be carried immediately back to their childhood being ridiculed at school, and have a severe emotional reaction completely disproportionate to the cause.

We all have more going on under the surface.

The nervous system responds how and when it wants to, which seems illogical in a situation where the reaction doesn’t fit the event, but it’s all a result of conditioning and survival instinct. Even when it seems to be against you, it’s still built to be on your side.

Public speaking is a terrifying situation for so many people. It induces an intense fear reaction. Is that fear warranted? You’re unlikely to be physically harmed or killed by the crowd. Yet, your nervous system will react as if confronted by that level of threat.

Some people are arachnophobic. Some fear heights. Social situations. Balloons. Vomiting. Wide open spaces. I fear tight, closed spaces. My mind is very aware there is no physical threat present, no reason to be afraid. Yet I fight it. That’s the difference between nervous system and mind. The mind can perpetuate, but the nervous system pulls the trigger.

In our modern world, where stress is high and the pace is higher, the nervous system rarely has a chance to consistently return to homeostasis, to a place where it can breath a sigh of relief and say hey, this is what relaxation feels like. Instead, we’re all chasing something we’ve forgotten to let go of… the next best thing.

Stress puts your nervous system on guard. It leaves the comfort of parasympathetic-driven rest and stands alert, having already entered sympathetic, fight or flight state. Nowadays it takes conscious planning and effort to guide yourself from the latter state into the former. Stress primes your nervous system for a reaction, and what you react to depends on how you’re wired. Like me in a claustrophobic situation.

The more you lean into resilience in your life, the freer you will feel of these triggers. The quieter the reaction will be. The more even your keel, so to speak. Resistance, while it whispers in your ear that it will keep you safe, has a way of convincing you to take a rain cheque on healing. It’s a menace that only you can defeat.

Resilience and resilient habits foster a calm nervous system. Resistance pushes that nervous system further into fight or flight mode because there is always an enemy to confront. Resilience tells you which enemies are worth putting your gloves on for and which fights won’t make you break a sweat.

Know the difference and learn how to differentiate between these two states of being. When you’re in fight or flight, understand how to bring yourself back to safety. The more you anchor there, the more time your ship will spend docked in that harbour.

If your nervous system feels like it’s working against you in some areas — or all areas — know that it isn’t an unchangeable limit or just who you are. It’s just part of your growth journey you’re meant to take as you climb this mountain to the top.

Please understand that its reactions do not define you. They are no more a part of your identity than the emotions you feel. The reactions of an elevated nervous system can drive some pretty intense compensation patterns, from self sabotage to binge eating to excessive partying. While they seem illogical and counter productive, they’re giving your nervous system exactly what it needs at that point in time; familiarity, control and safety. These responses too can be changed, but first they need to be understood. The first step is looking inside yourself to see what’s hurting. From there, you can learn, grow and evolve.

You are changeable, capable and strong. Believe that and your entire world will change in front of you.

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Craving more resilience? Download Rise Above: A Quick Guide to Building Emotional Resilience for free.