A Weapon Called Shame
Shame is a co-pilot for many people.
If it’s a constant companion to you, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s thrust upon us during childhood and used as a weapon in adulthood by those selling solutions to people who are made to believe they are broken.
Shame is as lucrative as fear.
Many of you know that I am currently in a fight with social media. Much of this is around how I have been feeling using platforms that have become so saturated by sales and ‘businesses’ representing themselves that it has made genuine connection seemingly impossible. It’s a noisy world shouting in attention-getting displays of formulaic strategy posing as authenticity.
I have tried to keep up with the rat race. I’ve decided it’s not for me. There’s nothing genuine about it.
Most of us have been through something in our lives; events that brought shame and embarrassment, people who never forgave us, memories that have been distorted, mental or physical abuse, trauma. Often it seems like the world is disproportionately filled with opportunities for healing and growth.
Unfortunately, sales and marketing strategies are performed now by everyone from solopreneurs to giant corporate entities who have figured out that the way to your money is through your painful memories. Your perceived weaknesses and flaws.
Have you ever been lured into a free phone call with someone, or a webinar that promised the world, only to have it end in a sales pitch that you couldn't seem to extract yourself from?
How many of those sales pitches left you feeling weak or ashamed, suddenly for both the pain that you hold and the fact that you just gave up your hard earned money?
It’s happened to me more times than I would like to admit. Even more appalling still is how little return I got from having invested that money in the people who had promised me all the solutions.
I am well aware of how terrible it feels to be on the receiving end of this shame exercise. As such, I have always run The Resilience Method© free of that pressure. If someone who is interested in my program says they absolutely can’t part with that money, that’s the end of the story. I don’t lean into their pain and tell them they are less than worthy if they choose to keep that pain and their money.
It won’t happen, because it’s not right.
In the context of sales, keeping your power may be easier than you think when you’re confronted by someone who aggressively tries to sway you into a purchase. When the someone tells you that you aren’t good enough…
Remember these key points:
Understand that your problems are NOT a reflection of your self worth. If you have had difficult times in your life, it means you’re a normal person, not a broken one. Hardship just comes with being human. Nobody gets away with a struggle free life.
In all situations, there are three answers; yes, no and maybe. If you need space to think about something, take that time. Set that boundary. Same goes for a hard no. Sales people will try their hardest to keep you from this, but it’s okay. It’s entirely your decision.
Your integrity is worth far more than someone getting your money. Money is an energy. If you spend it, understand fully what you’re exchanging it for and feel good about the transaction if you do. [Read Hiring With Purpose: The Power of Energy Exchange]
You have the ultimate say. Don’t let anyone pressure you into a decision that doesn’t feel right because they’re pressing just enough of your buttons to make it happen. Get your guard up if they start making you feel worthless, wrong, or ashamed of who you are. The more confidently you control that conversation, the more personal power you are going to keep.
You’re more capable of finding your own solutions than you realize. You aren’t broken or beyond fixing. You can move mountains yourself with the right tools. Yes, it takes patience, focus and consistency. These are also practiced skills that you will pick up along the way, but exactly what a good salesman will make you believe you don’t have. But the bottom line is this: You DO and you CAN.
My entire objective is to have my clients understand how much power they truly hold and learn how to direct it. Social media has felt like it’s not in keeping with my integrity and what’s important to me. I dive into this further in a podcast episode that will be published tomorrow and will link here when it’s available.
In the mean time, I would love to hear your thoughts on social media in general and how it makes you feel. It’s a conversation I’ve been having with more and more people and it has been worth it every time. Leave a comment below if something here clicks with you.
Remember, with all people and in all places and situations, your power is yours to keep.
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For a deeper dive into these areas, check out the F7: Seven Days to Forgiveness ebook + course.
