Don’t Let Life Win

I suck at doing fun things, so let me tell you about my weekend.

I worked.

Each week is spent building what I love, but also aspiring to break out of that routine structure to do something fun on the weekend. It’s a good intention and a worthy goal, except that it usually culminates in switching one to do list for another and seeking satisfaction in ticking those items off.

This weekend, it was gardening. I am VERY happy with what I accomplished in the 35 degree sun. I moved mountains and solved problems. I am very task oriented and accomplishment driven thanks to my German roots, and do feel that sense of total satisfaction right now as I write this post while looking at the places in my yard that my physical labour has brought order to.

Having decided earlier that I would treat myself to one fun thing before jumping straight into another work week, I grabbed a towel and my truck keys to go have a swim in the lake, a welcome reprieve from working in the heat.

I promptly found myself stuck on a closed highway, ten minutes from home, for an hour.

This is a little more of a personal introduction to bring you this lesson:

Don’t waste your energy trying to fight the unchangeable.

Energy and emotion management is what this training is really all about. It’s what I teach in this blog and the solid foundation on which The Resilience Method© stands. Energy and how you use it is everything.

Listen closely.

You can put all of your energy towards fighting what is happening to you, or you can direct that energy inwards and work on using that situation to grow yourself into a person that can better handle uncomfortable circumstances.

Emotions tend to run hot very quickly when the flow of normal life gets changed by something unexpected, like a car accident. You have an expectation of how things should go, and you will learn very quickly where your ability to adapt is at when something changes that outcome for you.

I saw it in the people around me. Some people got panicked and used the shoulder of the highway to jump the queue of everybody who was more patient than they were. Some were hesitant, some more aggressive. Others tried changing lanes to find the fastest way forward.

But you can’t change the unchangeable.

When life says “wait here”, there are two choices. You can choose the path of acceptance, which isn’t to say that you aren’t resourceful with what’s in your control. Or, you can allow your emotions to take over and react based on those emotions.

One will allow you to keep your power. The other gives it all away.

A car accident and highway closure is out of your control. What is in your control is your inner environment. Your mental terrain. If it doesn’t serve you, if instead it gives away all your power when you get into a situation, then work on it.

In the end, you take ultimate responsibility of your timing and all the choices that brought you to that moment. Own it, because you got yourself there. Life will bring you whatever situations will make you feel emotions that you’ve tried to subdue in the past. The goal is to feel without letting them overwhelm you. If they do, own that too, then deal with it.

I definitely would have preferred to be swimming in the lake for the first time this year after spending my weekend covered in sweat and dirt. But instead, I was stuck in traffic in more heat and I had to accept that. Know who had a much worse day than I did? The guy who had the accident.

Too often we lose our heads to situations that don’t require a heated response. But ask yourself this:

In comparison to war, is this situation that bad?

This isn’t to diminish the validity of the emotions you feel. Not at all. Was I calm today, as a result of my training? Yes. Am I always? No. But I know how to deal with it when feelings start getting the better of me and I feel tempted to give my power away to a situation that really doesn’t deserve to hold it.

Energy management. It’s what you focus on that counts.

If you allow your mind to see all the shit in a situation, confirmation bias will ensure you see unlimited reasons to justify your hard feelings and why you’re a victim to your circumstances. But do victims have power?

Instead, do an internal evaluation. Ask yourself if the situation you’re in warrants such an intense emotional response. Sometimes it does, usually it doesn’t. If your answer is no, dig into what wound you’re carrying that isn’t healed from some time in your past. This is how you use your situation to heal and strengthen yourself without making yourself believe that life is just unfair and you have no power at all.

You do have power.

But to keep that power, you have to guard your focus and your thoughts. Train them. Refine the skill of reading yourself so you can guide yourself to a more empowering response in all situations. That response is growth-minded. The more gratitude you can feel when your world collapses, the more power you will keep. Use all situations to your advantage.

This is strength.

It should be your primary goal. Not making war with life itself because that’s a war you will never win.

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